Marauder Moments
by blueberry-skittle
Summary: A series of oneshot fics involving the marauders and random stuff that happens to them. something i write as i get inspired, and in between projects
1. The Shakespeare Incident

"Morning Padfoot." James Potter said as his best friend sat down across from him at the table.

"Good morrow dear friend." Sirius replied grabbing some bacon.

"You stole one of Moony's books again didn't you?" James inquired.

"What thievery does though speaketh of?" Sirius asked in horror, then as a side note said, "I am merely borrowing it."

The Great Hall was only half filled with students, who had decided to drag there sorry buts out of bed at eight o'clock on a Monday morning. Most of them started to listen as Sirius continued talking in "Elizabethan English."

"Right, whatever you say Padfoot." James said deciding to ignore his friend's new vocabulary.

They were having a relatively peaceful breakfast until Sirius suddenly jumped up on the table and yelled "But, soft!" at the top of his lungs.

Everyone in the hall turned to look at him. "What light through yonder window breaks?It is the east, and Remus is the sun."

James looked behind him and sure enough his other best friend had just entered the hall. The rest of the students turned to look at Remus as well, who ignored everyone and started walking towards Gryffindor table.

Sirius ignored everything and continued to shout, "Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,"

"Sirius shut up." James said tugging on his leg to get down off the table. The students started to snigger and laugh and even a couple of teachers did too.

"Who is already sick and pale with grief," Sirius continued on anyways. "That thou her… no wait his… maid art far more fair than he. Be not his maid, since he is envious; His vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it; cast it off."

Remus finally arrived at his house table and stared up at Sirius. "What are you doing?"

"I'm being romantic, now shut up and let me finish. It is my lad, O, it is my love!O that he knew he were!" Sirius grabbed Remus by the wrists and pulled him up onto the table with him.

"Did you steal Romeo and Juliet?" Moony asked.

Sirius, like he had been doing all morning, ignored his friend's question. "He speaks: O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night,"

Remus soon realised that talking to Sirius normally wasn't going to get him to stop anytime soon. So he did the only thing he could think of, turned away from Sirius walked down the table some ways and with his most girlish voice uttered. "O Sirius, Sirius! Wherefore art thou Sirius? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Lupin."

"Remus, by yonder blessed moon I swear, that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--"

"O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable." The whole hall was silent watching the display.

Sirius sighed dramatically. "Fine then I shall swear on my mother's grave…"

"Your mum died?" Remus interrupted going back to his normal voice.

"Ha ha, no I wish though." Sirius said chuckling lightly. "I shall swear on my not-so-dead mother's grave that I shall henceforth love you always."

"That wasn't in the play you goof!" Remus shouted throwing a biscuit at Padfoot's head.

"I know but I can't remember the rest." He said throwing one back.

Sirius jumped down from the table and walked over the teachers table and stood on it. He kneeled down in front of Professor Best, the Muggle studies teacher, and pointed at Remus before asking in a very loud voice, "What lad is that, which doth enrich the land?"

James was starting to feel left out of what would be a Marauder Moment in the future. He grabbed Sirius's bag and searched until he found the book he was looking for. He stood up onto the Ravenclaw table and shouted: "This, by his voice, should be a Black. Fetch me my wand, boy. What dare the slave come hither, cover'd with an antic face, to fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, to strike him dead, I hold it not a sin!"

"Oh shut up Tybalt!" Remus yelled.

"Thy sweet festivities hath ended. Now get off the tables." Professor McGonagall said pushing Sirius away from her plate.

"And who is the fair maiden which hides herself from me?" he said in mock shock as he spun around on the table, almost knocking over a jug of juice. "It is my fair Rosaline!"

"Fair indeed, now get off the dining tables."

"As you wish my sweet love." Sirius said hopping off the table.

"But Romeo, my sweet Romeo, how could you turn thy love so quickly away from me. Have you not love for me?" Remus cried in fake despair.

"But of course Juliet, you are my sun in the east, my rock in a hard place. Thoust are the sweet flowers in the field, because a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet."

"That's the wrong play." Remus said as he hopped off the table. James was already eating again.

"I know, but it seemed like a good time to say it."

"Whatever you say Padfoot." Remus said laughing.

***

Transfiguration:

The Shakespeare incident from this morning, was not forgotten, nor mentioned again, until the afternoon Transfiguration lesson with the Slytherin's.

Most everyone was in the classroom already, and they were just waiting for McGonagall, when Sirius jumped on a desk.

A couple kids who had been in the great hall early this morning started to laugh.

"I will frown as they pass by, and let them take it as they list." Sirius shouted, mostly directing it at the Slytherine's. "Nay, I will bite my thumb at them."

Remus hopped up onto a desk across the room and responded, "Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?"

"The law shalt not be on my side if I say Ay," Sirius said to the crowd, taking on both roles of Sampson and Gregory. "No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir. Do you Quarrel sir?" He said to Remus.

"Quarrel sir? No, sir." Remus said in shock. The rest of the class was soon interested in what was going on.

"If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you" Sirius continued.

"No better." Remus replied.

"Yes better sir!"

"You lie." Remus sneered.

"Draw, if you be man enough." Sirius said pulling out his wand. Remus quickly followed suit.

McGonagall chose that moment to walk into the classroom. "Part fools! And get down, will I be constantly breaking up this charade today."

"My dear sweet Rosaline." Sirius said running up to her.

"Go to your seat before I banish you to detention." McGonagall said sternly, but with a hint of a smile.

"Banishment to detention!? Be merciful, say 'death;' for exile hath more terror in his look, much more than death: do not say 'banishment.'"

And so Sirius was 'banished' to detention.

***

Sirius arrived at the tower past midnight from his detention. McGonagall had sent him to the library where he was sorting through old plays and Muggle literature for Madam Pince.

"hello Sirius." Remus said looking up from his book.

"hey Moony, you didn't need to wait up for me." Sirius said standing behind the couch.

"I can't sleep."

"well I'm knackered I was sorting Shakespeare plays all night. See you in the morning." Sirius said starting up the stairs, when he was stopped by Remus's voice.

"Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

Sirius spun on his heel and glared at his fellow marauder. "if I ever hear any reference to Romeo and Juliett ever again I will burn that book! Goodnight!"


	2. The Hair Incident

"Sirius open the damn door!" Remus yelled at the locked lavatory door.

"Moony just give up you've been pounding on that thing all morning." James said uninterestedly from his bed.

"I have to get ready for my date. Padfoot what the hell are you doing that could possibly take this long?" Remus yelled again.

"I'm almost done just wait five more minutes!" Sirius yelled back at his friend.

"I'm breaking the door down!" Remus got his wand out and pointed it at the door.

"No! Wait! Just two more minutes!" Sirius said his voice hinting at distress.

"Bombarda!" the door flew off its hinges with a loud bang.

Both James and Remus walked through the dust to see Sirius standing in front of the mirror holding something by his head.

"Shit!" he yelled when he saw them. He pulled the object out of his hair and grabbed the other end with his free hand. "Owe! Shit shit shit!"

The tool dropped to the ground as Sirius injured his burnt hand. Remus looked from the Muggle contraption to his best mate, and laughed.

Half of Sirius's hair was its normal curly the other half was perfectly straight.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Sirius snapped.

"You." Remus said gasping for breath.

"Padfoot, what is this?" James asked picking up the curling iron.

"Well since you're both being busy-bodies and rude, I might as well tell you, it is in fact a curling iron."

Remus let out another huge laugh and doubled over clutching his stomach.

"A what? You mean it curls your hair? Padfoot you've been curling your hair since you were eleven?" James asked incredulously.

"I like my individuality thank you! Besides when you grow up like I did you would too." Sirius barked at them. "I refuse to ever be called Regulus or Orion ever again!"

"Okay Padfoot, calm down." Remus said getting control of his laughter again. "If you want to curl your hair, and act like a girl we won't stop you."

James snorted with laughter, and Sirius glared at them. "This is why I _didn't_ tell you! Can't you just accept I want to be different?"

"Yeah that's fine, but if yo u start wearing skirts and makeup I'm drawing the line." James said. "You have fun with your hair Padfoot."

Sirius glared at James's back before turning to the mirror and starting on the other half of his head.

"You know we're just messing with you right?" Remus said standing by his friend.

"If you were really my friends you …"

"Would tease the hell out of you, just like you would us." He interrupted.

"I don't appreciate being laughed at Lupin." Sirius sneered.

"I'm sorry, how can I make it up to you?" moony said with mock concern.

Sirius put his pointer-finger to his lips and thought about it for a moment before conjuring up a chair and saying "sit down."

Remus hesitantly sat down and waited. Ropes flew out the tip of Sirius' wand and tied themselves tightly around him.

"Oh no." Remus cringed and closed his eyes. He felt Sirius take a bunch of his hair and felt the back of his head getting hot. "No Padfoot please don't."

"No, it's your punishment for laughing. I didn't laugh at you when I discovered your secret did I?"

"That's probably because it causes me to turn into a monster once a month."

"Just like a chic on her period, so I find this punishment fitting." Sirius smirked.

Sirius continued to curl his mate's hair and when he was done he put a freezing charm on it so it would stay all day long. Then he pulled out a thin tube of eyeliner.

When Remus finally opened his eyes he screamed. "I look like a girl! Padfoot I'm going on a date today!"

"Well you should have thought about that before making fun of me. It'll come off at the end of the day."

Remus stormed out of the bathroom and down the stairs. Sirius followed him out and stopped at the foot of James's bed.

"Moony looked pissed! What did you do?" James asked.

"You'll find out when you see him at dinner tonight. Oh and here's your punishment for making fun of me." Sirius waved his wand and James ran to the mirror.

"You turned my _hair_ pink? _You_ turned my hair pink? My hair is _pink_!"

"Maybe next time you won't laugh at your best friend." Sirius said before walking down to the common room.

At dinner that night Remus and James were both looking pissy. Everyone kept talking and laughing about it. When Sirius sat down across from the two he got scared.

"I hope your happy." Remus hissed quietly. "You completely ruined my date. Melody was laughing so hard she couldn't move and then she broke up with me."

"I'm sorry about that Moony, but I went out with Mel and all she's really looking for is sex." Sirius said.

"I have nothing to say to you." James said offhandedly.

"Aw come on guys, I was mad and you did laugh at me. Fine I'll think of a way to make it up to you guys then we'll all be even again."

Three of the four Marauder's walked into potions class late the next day. Peter was already sitting at their usual table waiting for them. Professor Slughorn gasped when the door banged open and the three boys walked in.

Snape and the other Slytherin's laughed. Lily and Alice looked on the verge of laughing, and peter just stared at them.

"Sorry we're late professor, but we got caught up in the bathroom this morning." Remus said sitting down.

"Yeah these two dolts had so much hair that they clogged up the sink while I was trying to brush my teeth." James said taking his seat as well.

"What do you think professor? Or should we grow it back out?" Sirius asked.

Slughorn just gaped like a fish at all three of their shiny bald heads.

"At least we don't have to worry about any more curling irons for a while." Remus whispered to James before all three of them started laughing.


End file.
